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 Modern styles of upbringing are so different that, willy-nilly, we are witnessing how the concept "from one extreme to another" takes on an earthly embodiment. Parenting methods range from natural parenting to rather rigid authoritarianism. The latter causes heated debates between supporters and opponents. And, really - an obedient child, meekly fulfilling the requests and requirements of parents, isn't this the ultimate dream of many fathers and mothers?
Undoubtedly, it is convenient, but to whom? The answer is simple - to the parents themselves. But at the same time, those parents who resignedly look at the raging child, indulge all his whims, cause irritation. Tore Daddy's shirt? Nothing, so you will be a fashion designer, you will break a vase - for luck! The list can be enumerated indefinitely, but we will not do this, since our task is to find a “middle ground”.
So, here are just a few of the consequences of what fans of an authoritarian parenting style will have to face. First, by unquestioningly obeying the parents, the child is forced to suppress his feelings and emotions, thereby the level of his self-esteem is rapidly decreasing to zero. Secondly, in order to avoid punishment, the child is forced to do some things secretly, instilling in himself such qualities as dishonesty and secrecy. Or, on the contrary, the child can become angry with the parents and take revenge on them for their behavior, thereby provoking another punishment. And finally, a child who is accustomed to constant punishment can project this model of behavior onto other children, because for him it becomes the norm, to achieve everything by force.
By punishing a child, we let him know that it is impossible to make mistakes, that if he stumbled, then he is bad. And, therefore, instead of realizing that he acted badly and regretting his act, the child begins to think that his parents are evil and unfair.
If parents treat their child as a person who also has their own desires, respect him and try to understand what he feels in a given situation, then the child not only actively cooperates with the parents, but also very much worries if he suddenly fails them.
So how do you prevent misbehavior and avoid punishment? The most important alternative to the whip is the carrot, and therefore the most important alternative to punishment is attention and praise. Psychologists have long known that children do most of their actions to get the attention of adults. Children love very much when they can be useful to adults, rejoicing in praise.
Another question is that we, adults, very often do not notice the efforts of a child when he does everything "right." But he really expects us to appreciate his efforts. So he has to draw attention to himself with the help of leprosy. Therefore, praise the baby more often, pay attention to him, say that you love him and thereby avoid many children's whims.
Another main principle is explanation. In order to better navigate relationships in society, the child must know which behavior is good and which, on the contrary, is bad. And to explain this to him is the task of the parents.
Of course, there are situations that require immediate parental intervention, when there is simply no time for persuasion and explanation. For example, if the child's actions threaten his own or someone else's health. Then, of course, you should apply a physical impact: pull your hand, pick it up, carry it away from the source of danger, but in no case beat the child!
Rogozhin I.S.
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