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 A forty-year-old woman who has visited a psychologist says that she wants to know everything about the life of her thirteen-year-old daughter to the smallest detail. “I rummage in her bags,” the mother admits, “I read her diaries. If she wants to go to the cinema, I accompany her to the cinema. I need to know who she is with and what she is doing every minute. "
Such a mother thinks that it is her parental responsibility to control the child. She considers this behavior to be the most correct: “Many parents do not interfere in the affairs of their children, and then reap the bitter fruits. I nip the problem in the bud. "
Another woman takes the opposite point of view: she has little control over her eleven-year-old daughter and fifteen-year-old son. “I trust my children,” she says. - All the same, they will do what they see fit. What's the point of keeping an eye on them? In my opinion, this will lead to the fact that they hate me. "
Most fathers and mothers belong to a third, more moderate category: they never spy on their offspring, but, nevertheless, try to keep abreast of the events of their lives. However, the trouble is that sometimes it is very difficult to draw the line between too strong and too weak control. How much freedom can a child be given? At what point should the interference in his privacy be stopped? And is it even possible?
The dilemma facing many parents is complex. Parents who suspect their children of any wrongdoing (such as drug use or sexual activity) should show their concern. Sometimes the worrying symptoms are obvious: forgotten birth control pills or drug packages. Sometimes you just notice that the child is suddenly disappointed in old friends and made some suspicious friends. Regardless of whether your observations give rise to serious suspicion and tight control, you must find a way to obtain information about the child's life.
Freedom is a privilege. Children should be aware of the fact that they can enjoy freedom only when they realize their full responsibility for it.
Child psychologists believe that parents do not need to apologize or make excuses if they feel the need to interfere with the child's privacy. We need to explain to him the reason for your concern. For children stop trusting when they see that you are following them for no good reason.
The foundation of a successful family relationship is laid when your child is still young. Arguing with a teenager about the locked doors of his room or questionable telephone conversations is the beginning of a long-term conflict. These parents have either withdrawn, aggressive children, or dependent and insecure.
If you have no reason not to trust your child, try to restrain your impulses. Let's say he locks the door of his room. But this does not at all mean that something bad is happening there at that moment. From the age of 10, children need to be alone from time to time, in their own world, where parents do not have access. The one who has his own living space and the opportunity to be alone with himself grows up self-confident and devoid of many complexes, he quickly adapts to adulthood. Therefore, parents who are so indignant at the sight of a locked door should ask themselves: why does this bother me so?
A mother who wants to know everything about her daughter runs the risk of being left alone in the future. Children do not forgive humiliation. It is a mistake to think that as adults, they justify your actions.
You cannot completely control the life of a child. If he is not in danger and he treats you with confidence, do not destroy everything with your own hands. Use common sense first, and your child will appreciate it.
Ivanov D.
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