Defeat the whim of a child

Often a child, having reached the door of the kindergarten, begins to be capricious and cry, saying: "I do not want to go to the garden! Leave me at home, I will be alone." Parents behave differently: some persuade the baby, others shout at him, and still others will spank. And it would be necessary to find out the reason for not wanting to go to kindergarten. Sometimes a whim, disobedience lies in the wrong behavior of adults.

Grandma brought Dima to kindergarten. The child is in a good mood. Suddenly the grandmother remembers that she wanted to take other shorts, but forgot. In the presence of Dima, she irritably began to scold herself: "What a headless I am, I forgot your blue shorts." She herself takes the black ones from the locker and puts them on to Dima. Dima immediately shouts: "I don't want black, I want blue!" This creates a whole drama. Dima shouts into the group, the teacher persuades, promises that tomorrow grandmother will not forget to put on blue shorts for him, and so on.

Sometimes whims, disobedience are associated with the fact that parents are inconsistent in their requirements. Once they were forbidden to bring cookies to kindergarten, another time they forgot about it, and the third time they themselves offered the child to take cookies. Having reached the kindergarten, the child demands his own: "Give me the cookies!" Lies on the floor, shouts: "Give me a cookie!"

The origins of children's whims must be sought primarily in the processes associated with "inhibition", with the dissatisfaction of any needs, desires and aspirations of the child. If the whole life of a child is organized correctly and the requirements for him are fair, then the baby refuses his unreasonable desires without any tears. Braking is divided into two stages. When a child's desire is unexpectedly met with a prohibition, he violently protests. But the child calmly fulfills the requirement of an adult, understanding it correctly and in the confidence that it is fair. Whims arise only in the first case. The child is going through a "difficult" state. And such a negative state encourages the baby to do everything "the other way around."

Two-year-old Seryozha returns with his dad from the nursery. As soon as they turned towards the grandmother's house, the boy shouted: "I don't want to go to my grandmother, I want to go home, I want to go to my mother!" The father explains many times that the mother is at work, there is no one at home, but the child does not calm down. Then the father decided to distract him: "Look what a good dog is running." “No, it's not a dog,” the boy replied angrily. “See how white she is?” “No, she’s black.” - "But look, what a beautiful house." - "No, this is not home!" - "Don't be capricious, you're a good boy." - "No, I'm bad!"

Under the influence of a negative state, dissatisfaction with desire, the child reacts contrary to his own interests and refuses to fulfill even the usual requirements: he throws his favorite toys on the floor, refuses sweets, does not accept the affection of loved ones, etc.

There are families where young children are forbidden to run around the room, touch polished furniture, sit on a sofa, armchairs. It turns out that one of the most important needs of a growing organism - the need for movement - is not being met. Therefore, in such cases, it is difficult to expect good behavior from the child, because he is scolded at every step.

In the early morning dad brought his daughter to kindergarten. The daughter is crying, does not want to go, reminding dad that he did not give her a ballpoint pen. Overcoming his daughter's stubbornness, the father slapped her. Hitting babies is a gross mistake. Often the use of such measures belittles the dignity of the child and can cause children to dislike their parents. In addition, it also strengthens whims: the child does not want to obey those he does not love. Even if this method can make children obedient, it leaves trauma. Children become whiny, passive, get used to fulfilling the requirements of their parents only in their presence, out of fear, and not out of inner urge.

Four-year-old Vova, playing, scattered toys all over the room. This pisses mom off.

- Oh, you slob, what a rout you arranged! Collect your toys now, I told you to take them away! What are you staring at? And slapped him.

But the more mother scolded Vova, the less he showed a desire to remove the toys. He looked from under his brows at his mother and stubbornly whispered: "I will not clean, I will not clean."

If children are treated with tact, their pride will become an ally of upbringing and conflicts will disappear. To overcome whims, you need decisiveness and consistency in requirements, taking into account the psychological state and capabilities of the baby. A calm, cheerful tone of the relationship, the ability to rely on children's self-esteem - these are the conditions, the observance of which will help parents to fight against children's whims.

In the morning, going to kindergarten, Seryozha began to dress himself. Mom thought that the son was dressing very slowly. She walks up to Seryozha and puts clothes on him with a sharp movement. Seryozha protests: "I myself! I don't want to! ..". “I’m tired of your stubbornness!” Mom says. Is she right in reproaching her son for stubbornness? There can be only one answer. Wrong. She brought Seryozha to kindergarten, he continued to be stubborn and capricious. The teacher approached, found out the reason for the bad mood. Then she talked with Serezha, encouraged him that he wanted to dress on his own, and when they were going for a walk, the teacher drew the children’s attention to the fact that Serezha was dressing well and correctly. She invited all the children to clap their hands. Seryozha's eyes shone, he smiled and went for a walk in a good mood.

Everyone has their own character traits, tastes, habits, inclinations. The positive requires consolidation, and the negative needs to help the child get rid of. Which approach, method will be more effective? It is difficult for a teacher to find him if his parents do not help. I would advise them not to be ashamed of frankness in conversations with the teacher. Together, observe and analyze the behavior of the child, support the nascent sprouts of goodness, responsiveness, discipline in him. And do everything - both at home and in kindergarten - so that early selfishness, rudeness, capriciousness, not yet realized by a child, do not become character traits. He has a school and a whole life ahead. It depends on you and me how the kid will enter it.

E. A. Boltut