Two sides of the same coin |
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Let's try to analyze this phenomenon. As an example, let us take a young, still childless family in which both - husband and wife - work: he is in one office, she is in another. Both are reasonably intelligent and communicative. Both have friendly teams at work of people of about the same age and the same interests. Holidays come and the laboratory staff, where the husband works, decide to get together at the apartment of one of them. The question is being discussed whether to come alone or with husbands and wives? After a short debate, it is decided: one, so as not to break the unity of the close-knit company ... So, the husband, at first embarrassed and not daring to put on a dress coat, goes “for an hour” (!) Alone ... “An hour” turns around the whole evening, and upon his return home a "scene" takes place ... However, this incident does not end there. On the next holiday, a similar foray into the world is undertaken by the spouse: the employee from her laboratory has a birthday, only colleagues are invited! The birthday was a success, it was noisy, fun, they sang, danced, a little - what a sin! - flirting ... Of course, joking, it is quite harmless! We agreed to celebrate all the holidays only together. And gradually holidays with the team are becoming the norm, and family holidays are a rare and uninteresting event. The spouses discover that they seem to have lost the habit of communicating with each other, have not shared their concerns for a long time, did not take advice, and therefore have retired from family matters. And to find the lost thread of communication is no longer so easy. The orbits of your interests do not overlap.
"It would be a couple of weeks to relax from the family!" - you sometimes hear from a young spouse. It is difficult to suspect him that in the evenings he stood idle over the basin, washing the baby's diapers, or running around the shops, harvesting products. No, he was tired not of family affairs and worries, but rather of the lack of them - from the fact that sorrows, worries and joys ceased to be common. And so the young husband goes on vacation alone ... Or with friends. Or with workmates. In turn, the spouse goes on vacation on her own. And again - everyone has their own impressions, not shared with a marriage partner, new acquaintances, new companies, communication with which continues even after returning from vacation. And finally, as a natural result, the question: “What binds us into a single family? After all, we, in fact, are strangers to each other! We do not have anything in common!" It may seem to you that the colors are deliberately exaggerated, that in family life everything is not so monotonous, and if the spouses really love each other, then the question of whether they will celebrate the New Year under the same tree or under different ones, in fact, does not matter. Well, indeed, it also happens: the spouses agree on an equal footing about complete freedom and non-interference in each other's affairs. Each of them is left to his own interests and desires and is not accountable to the other. But the main joy that marriage gives people is the joy of communication, the joy of participation and empathy.
Many sociologists put forward the modern lifestyle of a person as one of the reasons for divorce (far from being of secondary importance), bearing in mind the gigantic increase in the number of his contacts with others. Indeed, if you compare the number of acquaintances, colleagues, friends each of us has with the environment that a person had a hundred years ago, then you will involuntarily be amazed: how do we manage to “get in touch” with all these people ?! Numerous daily contacts with others in themselves are more likely a blessing than a misfortune, and there is nothing sadder than a snail man, locked in his own shell. But just imagine: the business day is over, contacts are terminated, and we are returning home. We are tired, "talked". And often we seem to be "not enough" for our own family. In these numerous contacts, we have exhausted ourselves. We want to be alone with ourselves, to be silent, to concentrate. But no: spouse, children demand your share of participation. And this natural, natural desire of the family comes up against an incomprehensible, insulting silence, coldness for them ...
Today it is still difficult to find a recipe for protection from the psychological overload with which our life is associated. But one thing can be said with certainty: if a person knows how to organize his vacation in an interesting and rational way, then overload and stress have a lesser effect on him. In order for a family to gain strength, so that an atmosphere of friendship, warmth and trust remains in it for many years, you need to be able to relax not just in the family, but with it. Arrange forays into the forest, to the river, play, dance, read, laugh and grieve - together! And this "together" does not mean "isolated" from others, friends, colleagues. On the contrary! But let the person closest to you - your husband or your wife - always be with you. Yuri Ryurikov |
As you know, each medal has two sides. And if, taking into account one of them, we warn spouses against excessive isolation on their own family, then, given the presence of the other side, we cannot but warn against the opposite ... side ”- has become very symptomatic in recent years.
Rare meetings at dinner, silent gatherings in front of the TV ... The alienation strip is growing. Spouses seem to spend a few hours with each other, but sluggish, uninteresting, monotonous, these hours are tiring, even cause some irritation.
Employees of one of the Moscow registry offices noticed that the number of applications for divorce is noticeably increasing in the fall. When analyzing the causes of this phenomenon, it was found that the forerunners of many divorces were separate vacations. It often happened that one of the spouses met “new love” at a resort or on a camping trip and, anticipating a renaissance of feelings, decided to crush an old (often less than three years old) marriage. Sometimes the reckless feeling of freedom that returned during the vacation set up for divorce; sometimes - resentment and bitterness from the realization that the seemingly closest person preferred days of rest, days of joy, not to share with you, but with others ...
A citizen, as you know, gets tired faster and stronger than a villager. Tired not from work, but from the "background" of his life and everyday life: accelerated pace, rush hour, abundance of information ... maybe that's why there are much fewer divorces in small towns than in big ones?
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